just a thought.

In this life, we meet a number of and face innumerable situations. In all those times, our reaction is usually, spontaneous, right/wrong. I feel that whatever we are , wherever we may go it is essential to observe the surroundings/environment and watch people. Adults and children should understand and strive to cultivate the habit of learning from each individual/experience/situation . Learning not only means what to do,how to do, how to act, how to speak ,how to react, but also includes learning what not to do, how not to be, how not to act , how not to speak and how not to react. In this world where Darwin's theory of "survival of the fittest" works. At every point of time silent observation will provide us the insight to handle things. Too much of credence to others opinion and thought,somehow sucks out our individuality. We should strive to act and behave, as we feel right and not as the society wants. I do not think that it is essential for a person to justify each and every stand or act he/she takes. This is applicable to all people irrespective of caste/creed/gender. In my twenty years of service, interaction and association with people belonging to both sexes and various strata of society, I feel that everyday is a lesson to me. I find a lot of qualities in my friends and associates which I want to cultivate and have failed and I do not want to cultivate but may have absorbed. No body has the authority to make judgements or become the moral police of another. Everything is relative and depends on the perspective of the viewer . No person can judge an act of another as right or wrong. It all depends on the situation, the mindset of that person, his ideas, needs or whatever.

young adults [adolscents]

We hear a lot about the youngsters of this ‘generation’. Almost all the parents feel that their teenage sons’ and daughters’ do not understand monetary problems, are not caring , do not have a sense of responsibility etc…. . All these days I have also been one among such parent. However, the events of February 15^th & 16^th , 2011 have given me a different perspective and better understanding of these youngsters.

My daughter’s classmate and good friend lost her father(who was 50 years old) on 15.02.2011. On 14^th he had complained of some uneasiness and the whole family , consisting of parents and 2 daughters, aged 10 and 17( my daughters classmate- priya) had been to the hospital. After examination and series of tests the Doctor declared that everything was normal and they could go home. The family came back home. 15^th February, started of as a normal day, the girl came to school , to face ongoing revision exams, being the class leader she had to stay back to carry out a few tasks assigned by the teachers and left later than her other classmates. Again around 7.30 pm her father complained of uneasiness and went back to the hospital. On examination, it was found that his Blood Pressure was very low and Sugar level extremely high and around 08.30 pm he suffered a massive attack and collapsed at 08.45 pm. The Doctors at the hospital tried their level best to revive him till 10.00p.m failed in their attempt and informed the family accordingly.

Priya’s classmate called her at 07.45 pm and was told that she was at the hospital. Another classmate called her at around and received no reply. On enquiry with other friends the fact that she was at the hospital came to light. Two boys and a girl of the class, went directly to the hospital to enquire as to what happened. The three youngsters stayed back with Priya and family till the Doctor’s declaration. The family had no means to discharge the ‘body’ and take it home. The trio of youngsters took care of the necessary arrangements for settlement of bill, discharge and transportation of Priya’s father, in an ambulance to Priya’s home and stayed with Priya , her mom and sister throughout the night.

They also informed one and all concerned like school authorities, relatives, friends and classmates. By the time the body was brought home, 4 other classmates joined them at their house and helped them .

16^th being a working day, the children just went back home to refresh themselves and attend the exams. The Principal during the assembly informed about the death and advised the students how they should support Priya in her time of grief. The whole school of around 350 students were in tears.

The children of Priya’s class both boys and girls were totally broken and in tears throughout the duration of the exams and the combined effort of the teachers and Principal could not console them. Priya’s father was well known among her school mates for his friendly approach and kindness. He had a very jovial and sunny personality and was well liked by these youngsters . In my daughter’s words “he was a man to whom one can relate to as a friend and Priya was very close to her father.” Immediately after exams the whole class went to Priya’s house.

The children stayed over there till the funeral which was around 03.00 p.m, and only after 05.30pm did they start leaving. Apart from this a few very notable acts of the children needs to be mentioned.

The ten year old sister of Priya fainted and Priya had an attack of epileptic fit . It was the class mates of Priya, [main role played by the trio- mentioned earlier] who revived the children, purchased food and drinks, coerced, cajoled and convinced children and mother to drink and eat something, and were there with the 3 members of family offering them the moral support .

My daughter’s observation during her stay is as under:

v Priya’s parents’ marriage was an intercaste love marriage,

v Consequently, both the families neither came forward during their lifetime, nor at the death of the father.

v Whomsoever came to see the body , just placed a garland and walked away without consoling the mother or children.

v The few remaining relatives were so busy gossiping without a thought to the lady , who had lost her husband suddenly.

v The mother was sitting all alone with not a single adult from either family to offer consolation or support.

v It was the friends of priya who stayed with the mother and children.

v There was no money and no relative seemed to be concerned.

v Priya’s classmates have been helping out physically, financially and emotionally.

v Being Christian the body was buried and two classmates who had lost their father went to the grave yard.

v The 10 year old was very scared and so she was taken away by Priya’s classmate to her house.

v The Children stayed back till 05.30 and only after Priya told them to leave, did they go home.

I feel that the friends of Priya have to be really

appreciated and applauded for their support strength offered by them to the family in need. The parents of these children should also be highly appreciated for offering the monetary help and allowing the children to do the needful and instilling the sense of responsibility in these children. But as my daughter rightly said, “all the boys and girls of my class were called mischievous, naughty, troublesome etc.. but they all rose to the occasion unitedly and each one did their bit . They were more responsible and understanding than the relatives. How could the adults be so callous and unthoughtful even in the time of grief. Just because theirs was a love marriage, the family members who shunned them 2 decades back , even now failed to be present.. What kind of behavior is this???? Could they not be there to offer support.. Our relatives are all excellent and thoughtful people amma. This is the first time I see adults behaving in such cruel and inconsiderate manner… Cheeee”.

Yes my dear, I fully agree. The learned , matured adults have a lot to learn from these youngsters, who are considered to be playful, irresponsible, and immature. Will we learn what is important, who is important and when to rise up to the occasion. So I think before we parents complain about the children , let us think twice and let us not hesitate to learn from them the better virtues.

THE LITTLE GIRL AT THE BEACH

Browsing through my diary, I came across a few thoughts of mine recorded over a period of time…. One such thought is posted below:

02^nd May 2003

My cousin’s family were visiting us and we all went for an outing. We were a party of 4 adults and 3 children. After visiting the snake park, children’s park, Gandhi Mandapam, etc.. we went to the Besant Nagar Beach – “Elliots Beach”. My cousins wife and I were left on the shore to take care of our belongings and the men and children moved towards the water. The shore was a hub of activity with people laughing and whiling away their time, people sad or with serious faces looking at the waves, children , young adults playing and frolicking happily in general. My cousin and I sat down and were watching the activity around us . A newly married couple, oblivious to the surrounding, were happily feeding each other. We met the regular ‘sundal’ boys/girls, an old lady promised to read my palm accurately and predict my future and other small business men. Our main job was fending off these ‘business people’.

Then came a little girl, she must have been around eight years or so , almost my daughter’s age. She wore a loose fitting frock. She had a small ‘Tambalam’[tray] in her hand with jasmine flowers. She kept asking me to buy the flowers . I tried to fend her off, like I did the others , but I failed as she was very insistent. She asked me to do ‘boni’(first purchase) for at least for Rs. 3. She was smart looking inspite of being dirty and a scrub would have made her look good. Her face reminded me of P.S. Keerthana of ‘Kannathil Muthamital’ movie. Finally, I told her I would take Rs. 10 worth of flowers but she must measure the flowers correctly. She said , in case I am not satisfied with the way she measures , I may do it myself. The measure is ‘Muzham’ ie from the tip of the middle finger to the elbow. She then gave me 4 ‘muzhams’ of flower and took the Rs.10/- after that she sat down next to me, carefully placed the money in the tiny purse she had and started measuring the remaining flowers. She did it twice.

At this juncture , let me tell a bit about self. I consider my self a socially conscious person, concerned over the social evil, moved when I read/hear/see child labour, infanticide, women and child harassment/abuse. I am not courageous to visit the children at the orphanage as they move me to tears and humble me. They make me realize the important, precious and comfortable life I lead.

Getting back to beach, I was amused to see her repeating the act of measuring the flowers again and again. I asked her if there was any problem and received no answer. I felt I should be more alert and the following thoughts crossed my mind :

a) What is she upto?

b) Was she unable to count after a certain number?

c) Was she trying to win my confidence and trick me?

d) Was she tired?

In the meanwhile , she finished measuring

The flowers and arranged them beautifully , checked her money and belongings, took her tambalam and said ‘varen akka’- bye.

She ran straight to the food stall , got some eatables and ate them. She then went to the man who was offering joy-rides in his horse, put the flowers down and went for a joy ride and enjoyed it thoroughly, laughing all the way. She came back from the ride and took up the job of selling flowers.

Her act made me ponder, how simple and easy things give her great pleasures and how easily she takes things. My daughter must be of her age only, though not a demanding child often feels bored. Does this girl have time to feel bored. I think and say I am a socially conscious person who is moved by so many things, but was it not presumptuous of me to doubt her integrity? Could it be my basic nature or the attitude of the monied class? With this attitude in my mind how could I claim I am concerned about these children.

NEED OF THE HOUR

This was furnished by me as a small piece of thought to ponder in my office magazine, unluckily it did not get selected. However, I felt that I should definitely publish it some where and so here I am.
In the preface to the book " The God Delusion" author, Richard Dawkins makes a narration. The narration is the fact that his wife did not like school but her parents were unaware of it till she was in her twenties. When her parents asked her why she did not come out and talk earlier, she gives out a factual and profound statement," I did not know I could" . On reading it , I felt that expression precisely presents the thoughts of young adults(adolscents) of today. Teenagers and youth of today are unable to face small trials/obstacles/failures they come across in their life because they lack confidence and courage. The reason for them to have this low level of confidence is due to the fact that parents have failed to encourage the children to confide in them and express their inner most thoughts. A number of children do not know or cannot confide in their parents for the simple reaon that parents have failed to clearly communicate the message to the child that "We are always there for you".
A lot of time , money, effort and love is spent by parents in educating and providing a comfortable life to the children by the parents. The whole purpose is defeated if the child is unable to develop the ability to think, act, express themselves as confident and mature adults. In their over anxiety to protect , provide and prepare their children for an excellent future, we as parents become overbearing, nagging, frightening aliens to them.
It is incorrect to say that all parents are the same, but majority of us go by how the society moves in masses- rather than contemplate whether the same is suited for their child and family. Present day scenario, especially the hype and competition the children face does not give room for 'all round ' development of the child. Emphasis of performance in academics is very high so much so that an academically not so brilliant child is considered an inferior being and develops a very low self-esteem. Terms and labels like 'average student', 'slow-learners' , 'also-rans' play havoc on the children and their immediate family. Let us be different . Let us inspire confidence and courage in our children such that they say "I KNOW I CAN", rather than "I DID NOT KNOW I COULD".

ROUTINE
Come Monday morning , people all over the world wake up with a dread or rather feeling of dullness at the very thought of waking up and starting the weekily work/study routine bringing to an end the relaxed(!!!) weekend . But to all those people out there I would like to say, if there is some thing which should not change then it is the routine. Inspite of our expectation for a leisure weekend we are irritated with the newspaper man/milkman/electricity office in case they do not function during our days off.. How can they be so lethargic and without care . Why then are these called Essential services etc.... We often forget that those people are also human being very much like us having a lot of limitations and constraints... I am one person who would love to have a routine life.. I would love to go to work all five days a week. Stay at office during the full office working time, spend a weekend during mundane chores and get back to office on monday morning.. It might sound silly , but that is something which I find difficult to achieve.. For me Routine is visits to hospitals, doctors, sickness, visitors, etc.. Routine is reading voluminous fiction books in the waiting rooms of hospitals,clinics and labs... Probably I am overreacting or indulging in selfpity ... but somehow a routine life without a break due to a hospital visit seems mighty attractive than a 3 day vacation to a hill station.

humility

I had a very interesting conversation with a very close friend of mine today. The topic of discussion was the positive attitude of one of her acquaintances… the amount of energy and confidence she exudes in her various interactions etc. During the course of her statements I observed that we were talking about a senior artiste. Only then it stuck me to write about the topic below :

HUMILITY


What a wonderful word ! What exactly does this mean – HUMBLENESS - Webster’s Dictionary specifies the meaning as -“ the quality or condition of being humble; modest sense of one’s own importance” . Who needs to be humble….. since it is a ‘modest sense of one’s own importance’ it follows that it is a quality which needs to be present in people who are considered important.

A man acquires a sense of importance when he is an achiever in a particular field, he has performed acts of high excellence. For a primary school student – the teacher is utmost important . In the eyes of the kindergarden school teacher is someone who is revered/ the ultimate authority. Whatever she says/requests/directs needs to be followed implicitly. A request made once becomes a matter of great importance for the child and the same is not forgotten easily. It might be something as simple as a ‘ thank you’ for fetching the duster or a warning ‘to sit down and not walk about’ .

How do children react? If the expression of gratitude or warning is made with a smiling and approachable manner , the result will be more positive . Not all situations can a teacher or any other person expected to be at their polite or pleasing best … But only when the request or observations are made in the most appealing manner there comes a very positive and effective result.

You might wonder why I have taken up the above topic for discussion. Our country is a land of a lot of great achievers in various fields – science, politics , music, dance, drama, cinema, business etc., Whenever, an incident connected with the personality is related , the information is conveyed in the defense of the artist.

Let us take the case of musicians – A number of musicians in south India are considered as exemplary. When we read the interviews or reviews of these artistes – the tone of such articles indicates the attitude of the personality. While reading such reviews and articles I find that most of the artistes consider themselves an authority on the topic which they speak . I am not suggesting that all articles reflect it …. I only said most. What is the defense for such a reflection --- the common reason attributed for such a defense is ‘ he/she is a man of substance and he is confident in his subject so there is nothing wrong when the tone of authority is evident.’ I agree , of course there is nothing wrong in the fact that the confidence of a person over his area of pursuit is reflected in his speech/interview/article – but will it be inappropriate if the same person is slightly /very slightly humble.

When we go to meet a doctor, specially a specialist we are made to wait for hours – after which we get an audience of hardly few minutes wherein after a few moments of inspection the doctor puts forth his/her diagnosis and you are dispensed with – I do not say that humility needs to come into play…. But it will definitely considered an almost unknown phenomena if such doctors spend an extra 2 seconds with the patient in a kind manner making it appear that you are thought of as a person and not another case with ……disease/problem.

Similarly, a great artiste – when encountered with a member of the public/student/ interviewer will only attain more greatness if he is considerate enough to consider or lend his ear to the person. The recipient will only feel – ‘really this person is wonderful…. Even with such talent he is so considerate …….’ Creating a need in the recipient to only emulate the great artiste…. I think the word ‘humility’ comes into play here only.

In our day to day life we meet people from various walks of life.. They hold various positions either by virtue of their qualifications/ post or knowledge etc., Very often , we excuse their attitude by way of the statement ‘ Oh! He is got substance hence, he can afford to be a snob/arrogant/feel important/authoritative etc…..’ But I feel that if such people could be slightly humble and consider us lesser mortals even if we are found wanting from their point of view… it is possible for us to improve ourselves for we should always like to improve ourselves..

Not many of you might agree with me… but then I feel in today’s world each and every small achievement is considered a Himalayan achievement thereby bringing into the personality a tint of arrogance.

distress or devastation

hai i just got sometime so i thought i need to share a few thoughts to all of you out there. the point is i had an interesting conversation with my doctor who was telling me how to tackle day to day problems without increasing our stress level and without affecting our emotional balance. Every situation which we consider serious should answer the question : whether it will give rise to distress or devastation. Majority of them will usually fall under the category of distress - since devastation has a wider magnitude and larger impact on living as such. When we realise the situation is not a devastation - but distressful.. then only we should proceed to decide as to how to handle the same.... i think this logic has been told by too many people... everyone reading this would have come across the same logic in various form like drawing a line next to the problem line so as to suggest the actual problem is much smaller . Dale Carnegies suggests that , when ever you face a problematic situation instead of worrying just think about the worst consequence we could ever face and then go about carrying out the necessary action. In spite of these logics and advises floating around us all the time how many times have we really applied the same in our real life situations. There are various instances when we would have used these very words to console or advise our friends but the no. of instances we have applied the same might be few . this is not meant as an advise but just to reassure everyone that yes all of us have problems ..... each one varies...... and it is not beyond our capacity to solve/face/ignore them as required by the situation. Every individual needs to be confident that there is nothing he cannot solve if he so desires... whether we want to actually do it ... or play the blame game and find a easy way out is our choice...... very rarely choices are taken up by fate/luck/stars or whatever ......... a small and thoughtful step will go a long way in clarifying our outlook on the situation.... so all my friends out there.... think..... before you worry ..... and dont waste time worrying...... if you are not aware of any solution which may come out of your worries.... b confident , cheerful and enjoy life with all its moments.....