Saturday, November 29, 2014

Salient Points in the course on Clinical and Psychological development of teens and young adults.

1.The  physical development,  the cognitive emotional development,  the interpersonal development and the way the child corresponds and interacts with the context kind etc. needs to be observed.
2. We expect development to be immediate. So we expect, your kids to just adapt to the time. Their capacity and their capability to become greater and you know, for them to just unfold this personal. But do know that development is really funky. That you know we can all identify times in our lives. Where we may have struggled with things that subsequently, became a great strength for us, and, and, and vice versa. Things that we really excelled at when we were younger that,  that, you know, we've lost, we've lost track of kind of things. So, development is bumpy, and we will always see ups and downs in particular areas.
3. Changes in the, in the home setup, causes  changes in his interpersonal development  also some of these relationships going awry, even if it's peers. are there changes in terms  of how his parents are able to support him and, and, so forth. And that would be the first question, is he responding to something or somebody.  Yeah.  The other thing to consider is that, you know, throughout early child. Key kind of physical and neural developmental changes.  Sometimes, you know, we see changes in children's behaviors, interactions. You know, they, they didn't struggle with something, suddenly they seem to struggle with.
4. In light of this, IJzendorrn et al conducted a meta-analysis including 230,000 children who'd been adopted or remained with their birth families, fostered or institutionalized to examine outcomes in height, weight, IQ, self-esteem, internalizing problems like anxiety and depression, externalizing or  behavior problems and attachment security. What they found they described as massive catch-up, particularly noticeable in height and weight, but also IQ and self-esteem showed no difference compared to children who'd grown up in their birth families.
5. Externalizing problems were slightly more prevalent. Attachment security was lower than that for birth children, at 47% compared to 60 to 70% in birth family children. But that's till twice as high as children who had been fostered or institutionalized. They concluded that adoption is a highly effective  intervention, building resilience, and mitigating against the risks of an early, challenging, childhood.
6. Therefore what we can see, is that this relatively low level, non-professional intervention, has dramatic outcomes for children, reducing that risk and increasing resilience.
7. As part of this growth, children have to go through a process of assimilation and accommodation. Assimilation, involves the inclusion of new information into existing schema or internal working models. Whilst accommodation, happens when a child is not able to assimilate information into an existing schema, and either has to change the schema or develop a new schema
8. Lorenz, was inspired to conduct a study involving goslings, which ultimately led to the imprinting hypothesis. In this study, Lorenz split a large hatch of goslings, leaving half with the mother, and taking the other half, and raising them himself.
Over the course of their development, the goslings quickly identified him  as their primary attachment figure. And followed him, copying his behaviour. He taught them to swim. He used to call them, with a special horn for feeding time and they always followed him.  When they were given the opportunity to return to their birth mother, they did not recognize her as such, instead preferring Lorenz.
9. This taught us about the importance and the probable biological nature of the bond between mother and offspring, in which the mother, or primary attachment figure, is the one who provides physical and emotional care, and nurturence.
10. Studies suggested, that mammals need reciprocal nurturing and attachment, as much as they need their physical needs met.  Bowlby hypothesised that since humans cannot survive without adult care, our evolutionary history has selected, 'pre-wired dispositions', on both the part of the adult and the child that ensure human survival.
11. From this basis, Bowlby developed model of attachment that is monotropic, that is, has a single attachment figure, is focused on survival of the  individual, and the species, and is integrated with human development, to both influence broader developmental outcomes, and the influence by individual and contextual factors.
12. Tasks were identified for caregiver and offspring that promote reciprocity, and ultimately autonomy. The goal was to maintain emotional and physical equilibrium of the offspring, thus, keeping their attachment system settled, allowing exploration and learning. During periods of distress, the attachment system is activated, and takes priority over the exploratory system. The regulation of emotion and behaviour, a task that the caregiver and infant accomplish together. Through reliable, responsive, and consistent care giving, the caregiver provides the infant with the necessary 'up-regulation', increasing the arousal and emotions. And 'down-regulation, settling of emotions that the infant needs.
13. Parents who are not attuned to the infants needs and cannot reliably, consistently provide care, leave the infant without the necessary external regulatory support. Over time, this develops into a complex system that affects the way that the child and eventually adult responds to their own needs and to those of others.
14. , Research shows that people with an insecure attachment style are overrepresented in the clinical population, and children with disorganized attachment styles, are at high risk of showing behavioural problems in childhood.



15.  Attachment and psychopathology and the relationship between the two of them. - First of all, there are  biological factors, including genetic and prenatal factors such as injury, maternal alcohol use, smoking, or drug use. Then there are  trauma and abuse, which might be physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, domestic violence, severe neglect, or major loss. We also have to consider the parents' own experience of being parented and the trauma, abuse, loss, or positive experiences they may have had. The parenting style might be authoritarian, authoritative, permissive.
16.  Reciprocity and autonomy are also important as well their availability in communication style.   .

17. The infants personality or temperament is also significant . This includes their thinking style, their mood, their preferences, their interpersonal functioning and the unique x factor that makes them just themselves. We have the other direct influences on psychopathology, such as IQ or learning. This might involve things like a global learning or intellectual disability, or specific learning difficulties like dyslexia, or simply access to educational opportunities.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Contemplations and Questions

I do say suicide is not the answer but what will my absence actually mean. Is there any purpose in life? In the huge cosmos , the earth is only a dot - so the people living on the earth are all the more insignificant.  My absence will be felt by near and dear ones for sometime. But life goes on. My existence or not does not make any difference in actuality.. May be there will be a difference for a few of them for a limited period of time but not always for everybody. Is it because of this  nonentity  type of existence that people live   as they do. 
When I consider  existence or  lack of  it -  is it also okay form me to consider 
the manner of existence --- values or principles like ethics, moral and justice during life. ?

By and large, all human beings are born, the few who are lucky get educated by that i mean  literate, and out of those a few get employed , find a means to earn money, marry and the cycle goes on. During this cycle, a large number of people do not get educated, do not find employment, find it difficult to follow the routine of so called " normal " living. 

Also , there are number of people who find it difficult to satisfy their daily pangs of hunger - food for sustenance  - am not sure if this dissatisfaction gives rising to the qualities called bestial - which makes them kill , steal or beg be violent .

In a manner of speaking I am able to accept that these people needs for bodily sustenance triggers them to behave in a very crude   manner.  Then again who am i to say what is crude and what is refined. 

What about those people who are "educated"  "well-employed" but still behave in a manner which disgusts their fellow beings. What causes people to behave in the manner in which they  do. They have neither respect nor care for their fellow human beings and their behaviour. Why is it people behave cheaply/crassly with no thought  to fellow beings.?

Is not our perception of ourself and our importance bigger than they actually are. Are we really productive ? Are we in any way useful to somebody. What will happen if we do not exist? What is the need for a life where we are neither useful or useless. What makes us think we matter? Our ego? Our need  for recognition? The farcial life we lead. What forms the basis for our presence here.? Why do we indulge in self pity when we know our existence or absence goes unnoticed in a larger scheme. Why is that rational decision taking is different. Why  cant i be like  others who dont waste their time questioning and thinking. So many questions ..

And last but not the least... is it  that we should/would raise these questions only when we are sad or have a bad mood. ? Is it wrong to question. I do not know. Seeking answers.. So much to learn .. so much to understand.. 

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

The importance of life

Two days back on 01.11.2014 I came to know that a young girl of 17 years committed suicide since she was scared to face her first semester exams. The news of suicides committed by children, have become almost a regular feature in our daily life. Suicide could be .due to failure in exams, not achieving expected mark/grade, not meeting parents expectation, feeling hurt because they were scolded harshly by their loved ones, felt insulted due to teachers'rebuke, fight between siblings, parents and last but not the least love failure.  I have been long wondering the cause for the students or rather children's inability to face failures in daily life..

Where are we going wrong?  By we, I mean the parents, teachers, friends and society in general. While bringing up children we place a lot of emphasis on the needs of the children at the same time, all of us want our children to study in the  " BEST schools", take up extra classes on fine arts, take up extra coaching, win all competitions right from kindergarden till their period as students, They should  , sing dance, act, orate, be good quizzer, speaker, artist... and a very good student . They should no doubt academically perform very well, also shine in the sports field, and what not.. Thinking back ,  I  feel being a child is such a tough task these days. 

From day one, the parents start expecting a lot from their children. They want their child to achieve all their failed ambitions, the goals  that they have kept in mind for their children to achieve,  all that they think is the "best" in the society. Their child should have the best paying jobs ,their child should become a person with  a  very high profile  so that they can bask in the glory of their child's achievement and be proud of the fact that they have done a great task, they have achieved the purpose of their birth , etc.

We as parents, teachers and the society as a whole fail in one basic aspect. We fail to give our child the required  confidence to face life. We do not teach our children that it is not a crime to fail in an exam, it is not a crime  if the child can only study and is not interested in any extra curricular activities, it is not the end of the world if a child is not interested in Maths/Science/History/Geography/Language/Arts/Music/Sports etc.. 

We as parents should first ensure that the health, safety, habits and character formation of the child requires more importance than, academic achievements. It is important for us to realise that it is not the end of our world too,if the child is not able to achieve our aims and ambitions. 

What is more important is for us to keep the communication channels with the children open. The child should feel free to share every thing that happens in their daily life without fear to their parents, The child should learn 'SELF WORTH'. To this end , we as parents should support  our children, and impose upon them the value of life.We have to constantly reassure them, that no matter what,  the child is more important than any of its achievement The child should feel confident that, even if the child is not a achiever but an average or below average student, in no way is the child inferior to its  parents.

So what, if the child does not get good mark, does not win a competiiton, does not play a particular sport inspite of excellent coaching, she/he is still our child and their life is very very important to us . We should reinforce  upon them that we are not going to judge or accept them based on their achievements or failures.We need to  reassure them that they are our children worthy of our love , care and affection at all times, at all places throughout our/their  life. 

We as parents need to sit back and think what is more important to us, our child - its well being , safety , good health and self confidence OR  fulfillment of our expectations,our needs, our aims  ,our status in the eyes of the society, friends, relative & family. Unless we do this kind of analysis , we will not be able to give our children the confidence to face life with all its pitfalls and downslides. 

Life is tough, not always easy but then that does not mean that a failure/sickness/setback however big or small should cause a person to contemplate suicide. Killing ourselves is not the solution to any problem and no point in any of us regretting the loss of our beloved child after the end of its life.

The smallest unit of society is a family and unless each  family accepts its child as such and does not compare the child with that of another or burden/pressurise the children ,it is very difficult for a child to live in today's  society . 

Today's  children have more exposure/distraction/needs/money/  and what not but what they do not have is a safe society, understanding and accepting parents, family,relatives or society. No matter how much material comfort we offer our children , what needs to be emphasised is the amount of attention, love and acceptance we give them  is more important than any material need. Children need our attention and presence and the reassurance  that their parents will always  be there for them.


Monday, May 12, 2014

My child

This is my daughter's reflection  of her life in the last 19 years... Very simple yet succinct...

VIDISHA’S  POETIC REFLECTIONS AT 19 YEARS  ON 12.05.2014
Am 19
Yes here comes an end to my mad teens
Entering  20
Having to do plenty
Its hard being me
At 1 I cry
At 2 I shy
At 3 I talk
At 4  am taken aback
At 5 I realize
At 6 I apologise
At 7 I empathise
At 8 I feel like telling lies
At 9 I understand
At 10 am useless
At 11 am fearless
At 12 am hopeless
And yeah here comes my teens
And its still hard being me
At 13 I am careless
At 14 am cared less
At 15 I kiss
At 16 I take risk
At 17 am ill
At 18 I wanna kill
At 19 am bored
Who knows what is left in my road.
It is hard being me.
                                                                                 R.Vidisha

                                                                                  12.05.2014

I loved the manner and style of presentation.. and the simple language .....She makes me proud...

Monday, April 21, 2014

P.K.SHRUTHI

               My niece  Shruthi was the first friendly face I met in my husband's family twenty years ago. She was two and half year old, chubby bubbly child who was running around uninhibitedly.

               As per tradition my mother had made ,"Sojji ie Kesari" and mixture for all the persons who came for the bride viewing ceremony and I tell you it was quite a crowd. This fact caused a lot of irritation and apprehension  in my mind . When I came out and expressed the traditional "Hello", she was happily eating the Kesari from a small cup and I still remember her words  " Amma can I have some more Kesari bath". I took it as an excuse and told her "come inside I will give you some more" so that I could escape the crowd. But my shrewd father called my younger sister to look into the matter. My mother was absolutely thrilled that the child liked her sweet. After this, episode  I met her on my wedding day a month later , on which day  I am very sure that we did not have any interaction . She was in her favourite "pink" tee shirt and "black" suspenders clinging like an appendage  to her mother , my sister in law.  She was like an extension of her mother refusing to go to any member of her family. This  pose , I later came to understand was her standard practice , outside home. 

                My next meeting with her was when she came down eight months later and we had a nice excursion to the beach where we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves and she felt it was okay to play with me. The minute we came out of beach , she affixed herself to her mom and turned her back against all of us. Over the course of next 19 years my interaction with  her considerably increased and today we have an excellent friendship. She is daughter to me and a young friend -  more than a niece. 

                 However, in the intervening period she had various facets to her personality which was hilarious and at the same time thought provoking. When her cousin, my daughter, was born I remember her asking me "Prema mami naan thodalama?" {Mami can I touch the baby}. The way she looked at the infant and our handling of the child, would be filled with wonder  and highly focused. 

               
                   Since early childhood, she was never a gregarious person ,but whenever her close family like her paternal aunt or maternal uncles family take leave of her after a visit to their house, she would develop a "tummy ache" which would cause her to shed copious tears and bawl herself out. All of us would realise that this was an exhibition of  her angst in our leaving her house . There were days when the period of tummy ache might start one day eariler too. It occurred not only when we left her house after a visit but even when she left our house to return home. 

                                       
                    The tale her parents , my husband and myself concocted to break her habit of bottle feed , is still fresh in our memory. Though she had a suspicion it might not be true. it took all our prowess to convince her that her favourite bottles were stolen by thieves when her mother had forgotten to bring them to  Chennai.  One other comment she gives every time she visits Chennai , was Chennai stinks , Bangalore does not. 

                 She was a silent child but a mischief maker without fanfare and her innocent face would belie alll her inventive methods and sneaky mischievousness. She was a great lover of stories and would unfailingly pester me for stories as and when opportunity arises. I remember once when I told her that I was unable to recollect any new story she promptly said, " its ok prema mami  you can repeat whatever old tales you remember". As a child she was self motivated who made me give her maths problems, general knowledge questions, riddles , word games to keep her occupied. Very few times have I seen her throw a temper tantrum. During her teens she spent a month with our family and that is when we got to know each other better. She was very kind and affectionate with my son, pally and playful with my daughter . The threesome would keep themselves occupied with little or no intervention from adults around. 

             Over the period of time our interactions and increased with advent of technology and frequent get togethers . I was thrilled to note she was avid book reader and this helped us to forge our ties and  interaction more tightly .  Also our tastes in movies and books were very much on the   same lines  so were our feministic ideas. 

                  I have also learnt and understood  that this young intelligent girl is also capable of a lot of naughtiness and mischief  as the situation requires, My daughter's frequent refrain  is that "Amma you do not know  Shruthi, she is a silent mischief maker".  All said and done, this child of mine has become a young working woman of today which shows the speed of flight of time. 

                   When her parents were discussing that , come January 2015 they  would like to start looking out for a husband for Shruthi, I was kind of jolted into reality by the fact that this little one has grown up and would start spreading her wings in this world. 

                   Though it mind sound cliched, the fact remains that  I consider her old enough to discuss various issues, exchange gossips, recipes etc. But the fact that she has become eligible for marriage seems to have happened too fast. 


                      Today, Shruthi is a reasonably independent young women capable of taking decisions, understanding people, situations capable of managing life as it comes. But the mother in me and the aunt in me wishes my child enjoys her period of liberation or unmarried marital state to the maximum before  she is shackled with responsibility of a family.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Whiplash of the tongue

There is a saying which says “pen is mightier than the sword” adding to it , it should be stated that use of tongue without caution like an unbridled horse, causes immense damage. The power of speech and  the impact of it, on the audience / the listener is immense. It is essential to remember that right from beginning , children should be taught by example and otherwise  - what to speak, what not to speak, when to speak and when not to speak. Today’s children and youngsters are well exposed to various facets of technological advancement. This exposure gives them both required and unrequired input. In the over enthusiasm of possessing such inputs they allow their tongue to wag even without necessity and  sometimes  - highly inappropriately.

By doing so they are not aware of the consequences most of the time and sometimes they do not care about it. As a part of parenting it is imperative for us to know and guide them / correct them and  their usage of vocabulary. Being taken for granted, though many consider it as a compliment it is not always so . Such a notion gives idea to the children that it is possible to speak anything and everything to parents. Yes it is possible to speak anything and everything , but it is very essential for them to learn how the same should be presented , even with parents with whom they can speak ‘freely’ . It is essential to inculcate in the children  the capacity to hold their tongue so that the listener does not suffer the effects of the  the tongue lash.
Children today are more demanding and adamant.  This could be attributed to various reasons, but what needs to be done is that they should be taught not to lash at the parents also with their words. The quality of being manipulative is so inbuilt in them that they are easily able to escape with great ingenuity. But this does not in anyway excuse/explain their use of harsh language with parents/ friends/ family or outsiders. What parents do in such situation is even though they are hurt they try to justify or find a cause for the child’s act, which is incorrect. In the sense, that identifying the cause of misbehaviour is a must but using that as an excuse to explain and for the children to  get away with harsh language or words is incorrect.
It is important for parents  to understand and teach children that misdirected anger, irritation due to self pity, misbehaving due to lack of satisfaction are not the excuses which they should find to explain their behaviour. No matter what our situation is, it is essential to remember that tongue and its usage should be placed under guard. Else the consequences of the same should be faced. Children and parents mistakenly believe that it is ok because it is only behind closed doors or within family , that the child expresses his anguish.
But please remember it is not okay. There is no guarantee that a child’s word will not hurt the parent. The only difference between an outsider and a parent would be that the latter would find out the cause and forgive even if they do not forget, which a rank outsider will not do.
In order to teach children to exercise caution on the language, words and tone used by them it is very essential to correct them at all times when they use incorrect words, tone or manner of speaking . Parents must explicitly and implicitly ensure that misuse of words , intonation, and language by the children would not be encouraged at any cost. If at times the parents themselves commit such mistakes it behooves them to apologise and accept the fact that they were also in error with that kind of behavior.

Parents should correct the child’s manner of speaking both by constant watching and by example. If the same is not done in an early age, then no amount of excusing will take away the pain and wound caused by the harsh tongue of a person. No excuses offered are also acceptable .