FREE THOUGHT PARENTING

Spent a very educative and enlightening weekend attending Swathanthralokam 2014- National Seminar on Freethought and Science 2014. There were 14 sessions in all which discussed various topics .Among the 14 sessions there was only a single women speaker Geetha Tg  and she spoke about Freethought Parenting.  The speaker spoke for almost an hour with interesting anecdotes and a well paced narration as to how parents should go about inculcating the skill of logical reasoning and deducing conclusions to children who are within the age group of 4 and 18. 

I shall try to enlist some of the salient points of this speech, which can be used by all parents not only freethinkers... but all parents.

1) Please do not insist on implicit obedience... This insistence of implicit obedience of a parent or an elder in age, position, authority etc... Confines the child and forces the child to comply with instructions which would harm the physical, mental and psychological space of the young individual... 

Ø  That does not mean no rules, or no disciplining...  it means establishing rules, /or a broad frame work and reinforcing the same but with appropriate reasoning. 

Ø  Why no implicit obedience... because one of the major cause for a child to succumb to abuse is this reinforced instruction of "obey your elders...period."

2) Encourage the inquisitive and questioning nature of a child and answer the question asked in the best way possible as appropriate to the age and as truthfully as possible, be it about how children are born, or why is it we have eye brows. 

Ø  Today we have a friend in Google, using which both the parent and the child can learn to seek answers to questions.

Ø  Why is it essential to allow children to ask  questions to us – This is simply because it is safe for them to gain information from parents rather than outsiders since the information so received would be adulterated /unwanted/ unnecessary/untruthful- myths and ideas exposing the  child to danger too.

Ø  Encourage the habit of reading among children, which is one way to teach them to seek answers to the various questions which they come across.

Ø  A parent should understand that if the child does not seek replies or clarification of doubts from them then the child is getting information from an outside source which is not appropriate.

Ø  Why do we need to inculcate habit of reasoning and logic? Simply because in the journey of life we cannot accompany our children always... there is a proverb in Tamil “கட்டிக்கொடுத்த சோறும் கற்றுக்கொடுத்த சொல்லும் எத்தனை நாள் நிற்கும்.”

3) Teach children humanism and consent

Ø  By which that all people, male, female, transgender, irrespective of caste/creed/colour/occupation are worthy of respect.

Ø  The values of ethics, morality, dignity, truthfulness etc

Ø  These things need not be taught through lectures or speeches or in a preachy manner but it is essential for us to seize an opportunity when it presents itself a use it as a teachable moment.

She narrated an anecdote, whereby Shri Babu Gogineni taught his son and play mates the concept of consent and the necessity to respect another’s “NO”. While the children were playing, his son wanted to take a photo which the other children did not want, on observing this he very politely and firmly said, please respect their NO and understand that they do not wish to be photographed. This was told politely and firmly that it made a very good impression not only on his child but also on the play mates.

Ø   Why do we need to teach consent? Why should a child understand that only YES is a yes... and a NO or a MAYBE is always a NO.  We do not have to analyse the reason, it is all around us in the society in the form of forced, marriage/love/sexual assault/acid attack etc. Men and young boys and girls too refuse to respect a NO from another and try by hook or crook to make it and yes. It is also widely evident in our movies and media.

4) Answer the questions of children without patronising or condescending ...Allow the children to learn about all religions. They not only get their inputs from parents but also from the society comprising of friends, teachers, neighbours, relatives ,media to say the least. It is important for us to teach children to differentiate between right and wrong inputs/behaviours/practices etc.  We should always remember that children learn not only that which is taught to them but also imbibe our responses, reactions to them and others.

It is not wrong for a parent to apologise for their mistakes to the children. It is important for children to know that parents also falter and make mistakes and are not all knowing...