My life with and because of my sister in law.

I was not very keen in marriage ( second time) whereas my family was insistent that I do. If you had asked me ,why I could not find a person for myself... I would have answered saying that .. " I don't trust myself to assess anybody and staunchly believed that parents were the correct people to decide on the child' s marriage partner." So there were a number of prospective groom's . And there was this particular party who were coming to see me, who were more than 4 in number ,for the traditional bride viewing ceremony and I was furious and angry as I had no say in the matter. My father ruled the place and none of us dared to voice against his views.
This particular " groom" came with more than 6 " elders"  his sister and brother in law and their kid.. almost 11 of them.  The only way I could show my displeasure was by wearing an unironed  saree and blouse which did not match . To top it my elder sister and brother in law who were my support and strength did not turn up.

The mother of the groom said since she was a widow she didn't want to come alone  and someone had told her because of her impetuousness the boy had to suffer  earlier. She was scared and so brought long married couples and apologised to me for the crowd.

Two people impressed me in the crowd, one a  two and half year old kid and her mom. Her mom sat silently and kept watching me but appeared dignified and silent. She had a very appealing face .
The groom and I spoke for a few minutes and he gave his consent to his brother in law and left early  to write an exam(!!!). I did not want to decide without my sister and brother in law so asked for some time. I quietly went upstairs and found that the sister had followed me.

She said "I am just about 3 years older than you. I know it is not right to force you to give an instant positive response. I just wanted to tell you that we are very simple people, neither wealthy nor propertied. The only assurance  I can give is that my brother will definitely be a good husband for you. I like you very much,you look nice but more than that I feel you are smart and confident person. I very much hope you give a positive response. I will not ask anything about your past and none of our family members will. That is between you and my brother. But I like you very much don't ask me why.'...and she left.  After my sister came and consequent discussions I did agree to the alliance. The groom is my husband dearest today .
During the last 23 years of marriage,if I say my husband was most instrumental in supporting me and helping me evolve as a better person.. I need to say that my sister in law ( who is more of sister and friend put together) who accepted me just as I was no questions asked. There were no unwanted comments, no snide remarks,not a single piece of unsolicited advice or suggestions and she showed absolute faith in me as a person.

She continues to be the same till date. I am not saying that she is faultless or I am faultless.  All I am saying is that she is a very humane, friendly, sincere and accepting person.  She has always been there for me during my good days ,bad days , nightmarish period, silently lending a hand in ways that I needed no questions asked and no intrusion whatever. Today my daughter is staying with her and trust me she takes care of her much better than me.

She accepts  people, listens to them and understands what I am going through when I share something. She never questions, gossips or intrusively questions those areas which I don't share with her. If I share something,she is free and frank with her opinion and expresses them well. When I don't share something,she never probes or questions just accepts. When I feel guilty ,she is there to make me understand that mistakes happen and blaming does not solve issues.

In the hyperbole of my life, the number of high points would be outnumbered by the number of low points.  She has been in each one of them in whatever role I may have needed her, silently lending a helping hand and offering me her  full support.
 
Four people have always been  there for me as my strength  and support. My friend Geeta, Jayalakshmi, Banu( sister I. Law) and my husband in that order.
Friends accept you and guide you but for a relative that too an in-law  to be so wonderful is just great. I have learnt a lot from her and continue to do so and am proud to be related to her.

There is nothing we have not shared and when her daughter got married,the way she included me and gave me a free hand is something unexplainable. I was free to suggest involve ,interfere from day one till the day my niece was flying out of country- no questions asked and with utmost faith and confidence in me.

My friends were surprised to the extent I was getting involved in my niece's wedding but I was happy to be there and do what I could.  What more could I ask ? Trust me even today I need her more than she needs me and it appears that I will continue to be in need of her always .

Feeling extremely lucky

08.01.2017
6.40 pm.
( Returning from her home to mine).