young adults [adolscents]

We hear a lot about the youngsters of this ‘generation’. Almost all the parents feel that their teenage sons’ and daughters’ do not understand monetary problems, are not caring , do not have a sense of responsibility etc…. . All these days I have also been one among such parent. However, the events of February 15^th & 16^th , 2011 have given me a different perspective and better understanding of these youngsters.

My daughter’s classmate and good friend lost her father(who was 50 years old) on 15.02.2011. On 14^th he had complained of some uneasiness and the whole family , consisting of parents and 2 daughters, aged 10 and 17( my daughters classmate- priya) had been to the hospital. After examination and series of tests the Doctor declared that everything was normal and they could go home. The family came back home. 15^th February, started of as a normal day, the girl came to school , to face ongoing revision exams, being the class leader she had to stay back to carry out a few tasks assigned by the teachers and left later than her other classmates. Again around 7.30 pm her father complained of uneasiness and went back to the hospital. On examination, it was found that his Blood Pressure was very low and Sugar level extremely high and around 08.30 pm he suffered a massive attack and collapsed at 08.45 pm. The Doctors at the hospital tried their level best to revive him till 10.00p.m failed in their attempt and informed the family accordingly.

Priya’s classmate called her at 07.45 pm and was told that she was at the hospital. Another classmate called her at around and received no reply. On enquiry with other friends the fact that she was at the hospital came to light. Two boys and a girl of the class, went directly to the hospital to enquire as to what happened. The three youngsters stayed back with Priya and family till the Doctor’s declaration. The family had no means to discharge the ‘body’ and take it home. The trio of youngsters took care of the necessary arrangements for settlement of bill, discharge and transportation of Priya’s father, in an ambulance to Priya’s home and stayed with Priya , her mom and sister throughout the night.

They also informed one and all concerned like school authorities, relatives, friends and classmates. By the time the body was brought home, 4 other classmates joined them at their house and helped them .

16^th being a working day, the children just went back home to refresh themselves and attend the exams. The Principal during the assembly informed about the death and advised the students how they should support Priya in her time of grief. The whole school of around 350 students were in tears.

The children of Priya’s class both boys and girls were totally broken and in tears throughout the duration of the exams and the combined effort of the teachers and Principal could not console them. Priya’s father was well known among her school mates for his friendly approach and kindness. He had a very jovial and sunny personality and was well liked by these youngsters . In my daughter’s words “he was a man to whom one can relate to as a friend and Priya was very close to her father.” Immediately after exams the whole class went to Priya’s house.

The children stayed over there till the funeral which was around 03.00 p.m, and only after 05.30pm did they start leaving. Apart from this a few very notable acts of the children needs to be mentioned.

The ten year old sister of Priya fainted and Priya had an attack of epileptic fit . It was the class mates of Priya, [main role played by the trio- mentioned earlier] who revived the children, purchased food and drinks, coerced, cajoled and convinced children and mother to drink and eat something, and were there with the 3 members of family offering them the moral support .

My daughter’s observation during her stay is as under:

v Priya’s parents’ marriage was an intercaste love marriage,

v Consequently, both the families neither came forward during their lifetime, nor at the death of the father.

v Whomsoever came to see the body , just placed a garland and walked away without consoling the mother or children.

v The few remaining relatives were so busy gossiping without a thought to the lady , who had lost her husband suddenly.

v The mother was sitting all alone with not a single adult from either family to offer consolation or support.

v It was the friends of priya who stayed with the mother and children.

v There was no money and no relative seemed to be concerned.

v Priya’s classmates have been helping out physically, financially and emotionally.

v Being Christian the body was buried and two classmates who had lost their father went to the grave yard.

v The 10 year old was very scared and so she was taken away by Priya’s classmate to her house.

v The Children stayed back till 05.30 and only after Priya told them to leave, did they go home.

I feel that the friends of Priya have to be really

appreciated and applauded for their support strength offered by them to the family in need. The parents of these children should also be highly appreciated for offering the monetary help and allowing the children to do the needful and instilling the sense of responsibility in these children. But as my daughter rightly said, “all the boys and girls of my class were called mischievous, naughty, troublesome etc.. but they all rose to the occasion unitedly and each one did their bit . They were more responsible and understanding than the relatives. How could the adults be so callous and unthoughtful even in the time of grief. Just because theirs was a love marriage, the family members who shunned them 2 decades back , even now failed to be present.. What kind of behavior is this???? Could they not be there to offer support.. Our relatives are all excellent and thoughtful people amma. This is the first time I see adults behaving in such cruel and inconsiderate manner… Cheeee”.

Yes my dear, I fully agree. The learned , matured adults have a lot to learn from these youngsters, who are considered to be playful, irresponsible, and immature. Will we learn what is important, who is important and when to rise up to the occasion. So I think before we parents complain about the children , let us think twice and let us not hesitate to learn from them the better virtues.

THE LITTLE GIRL AT THE BEACH

Browsing through my diary, I came across a few thoughts of mine recorded over a period of time…. One such thought is posted below:

02^nd May 2003

My cousin’s family were visiting us and we all went for an outing. We were a party of 4 adults and 3 children. After visiting the snake park, children’s park, Gandhi Mandapam, etc.. we went to the Besant Nagar Beach – “Elliots Beach”. My cousins wife and I were left on the shore to take care of our belongings and the men and children moved towards the water. The shore was a hub of activity with people laughing and whiling away their time, people sad or with serious faces looking at the waves, children , young adults playing and frolicking happily in general. My cousin and I sat down and were watching the activity around us . A newly married couple, oblivious to the surrounding, were happily feeding each other. We met the regular ‘sundal’ boys/girls, an old lady promised to read my palm accurately and predict my future and other small business men. Our main job was fending off these ‘business people’.

Then came a little girl, she must have been around eight years or so , almost my daughter’s age. She wore a loose fitting frock. She had a small ‘Tambalam’[tray] in her hand with jasmine flowers. She kept asking me to buy the flowers . I tried to fend her off, like I did the others , but I failed as she was very insistent. She asked me to do ‘boni’(first purchase) for at least for Rs. 3. She was smart looking inspite of being dirty and a scrub would have made her look good. Her face reminded me of P.S. Keerthana of ‘Kannathil Muthamital’ movie. Finally, I told her I would take Rs. 10 worth of flowers but she must measure the flowers correctly. She said , in case I am not satisfied with the way she measures , I may do it myself. The measure is ‘Muzham’ ie from the tip of the middle finger to the elbow. She then gave me 4 ‘muzhams’ of flower and took the Rs.10/- after that she sat down next to me, carefully placed the money in the tiny purse she had and started measuring the remaining flowers. She did it twice.

At this juncture , let me tell a bit about self. I consider my self a socially conscious person, concerned over the social evil, moved when I read/hear/see child labour, infanticide, women and child harassment/abuse. I am not courageous to visit the children at the orphanage as they move me to tears and humble me. They make me realize the important, precious and comfortable life I lead.

Getting back to beach, I was amused to see her repeating the act of measuring the flowers again and again. I asked her if there was any problem and received no answer. I felt I should be more alert and the following thoughts crossed my mind :

a) What is she upto?

b) Was she unable to count after a certain number?

c) Was she trying to win my confidence and trick me?

d) Was she tired?

In the meanwhile , she finished measuring

The flowers and arranged them beautifully , checked her money and belongings, took her tambalam and said ‘varen akka’- bye.

She ran straight to the food stall , got some eatables and ate them. She then went to the man who was offering joy-rides in his horse, put the flowers down and went for a joy ride and enjoyed it thoroughly, laughing all the way. She came back from the ride and took up the job of selling flowers.

Her act made me ponder, how simple and easy things give her great pleasures and how easily she takes things. My daughter must be of her age only, though not a demanding child often feels bored. Does this girl have time to feel bored. I think and say I am a socially conscious person who is moved by so many things, but was it not presumptuous of me to doubt her integrity? Could it be my basic nature or the attitude of the monied class? With this attitude in my mind how could I claim I am concerned about these children.