I strongly believe in the policy that if I can't do something , I should not ask anyone else to do it. I should practice what I preach or else keep mum. So at various points of time when my friends , relatives , acquaintance say that they find it difficult to quit a habit say, smoking, or drinking I generally take a high moral stand and say ,there is no way you could not quit. First set your mind to it and work on your self determination.. where there is a way blah blah...
Recently due to an illness I was asked not to take milk , beverages such as tea coffee etc . Since I was pretty sick the first few days I did not mind missing my early morning cup of tea. I substituted it with hot water. However, since I am improving reasonably well, every morning when I make coffee for my husband,I have a dialogue going on in my head, to make or not to make tea for self.
I keep saying , so what if I stop, I don't get headaches too better to stop ...
I can do it .Blah .. but over the week I found nothing occupied my mind so much as my inability or rather resistance to tea drinking.
It was a non stop continual discussion between my determined mind and strong temptation and temptation won. I used to feel hungry , angry distracted when I was not drinking tea . The last one week specifically. Since I resumed it yesterday I seem to have a lot of time for thinking about other issues. I kind of feel relieved and relaxed . I feel that I had accomplished a great task. I don't know how to describe the feeling.
That set me thinking about my earlier comments and judgemental standard against people, who are unable to stop their habits and those who stop them for a period of 45 days when they visit sabarimala. I remember telling my maid ( about her husband), "ask him to go every month at least then he will stop drinking. How is it when he can stop for 45 days he can't stop permanently? He doesn't will it ! blah blah...".
Thinking about it makes me feel ashamed at myself. My principle of " I can I will I must " took a bashing. I don't have an inclination to take tea at any other time of day . Previously I used to have 3 to 4 cups pet day. Similarly, avoiding hotel food, my favourite sweets, pickles, etc is not problematic. Every time for the last one week this, vacillating thought on the morning tea used to occupy a portion of my mind through out the day.
I always admire my son for his determination to abstain from his favourite foods when his health warranted, right from babyhood. So taking his lead ,I thought I would try out and abstain drinking morning tea . I seem to have failed or rather my determination was weak and my addiction was stronger.
This is a lesson for me to think before I speak and practice before I preach. I hope I evolve into a better person atleast from now on. Feeling small and ashamed.
