Saturday, August 6, 2016

What are we doing as parents? 2

Today, 6 th Aug 2016.. a day which started with onset of migraine from 3 a.m .helped me bunk my class and relieved me of cooking. Though unable to sleep  was resting physically and my mind occupied for a few days on a few issues - mainly parenting.

I have been in the know of a few problems faced by youngsters due to cyber stalking and bullying. Also I happened to learn about the care of a toddler . No matter how much I read and try to be distant , issues concerning children and their safety always trouble me - be it my own or unknown. My daughter always tells me distance yourself ; your sympathy cannot solve worlds problems etc.. but however hard I try I am unable to do that.

The children about whom I am currently worried have highly educated parents who are also financially well off . These people very badly wanted children and were blessed. But ultimately I find them behaving like a spoilt and pampered set of people who wished for an expensive toy which they got and now do not know how to handle it; operate it; or play with it.

Every animal other than human beings have only 5 senses. They go about the LIFE cycle process with  only concepts of fulfilling needs of hunger, sleep , procreation and death. It is only man who prides himself with 6 senses ability to  laugh, grow physically, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually and what not. Yet I find human being lacks sometimes the basic quality of preparing their children for growth and development.

Every animal/bird  cares for the young ones and prepares them for their independent life where as we neither prepare them nor in case they are prepared do not let go of them.

Why ? I fail to understand. I fully respect peoples wish not to have children. But once you have decided to have - is it not our duty as parents and caretakers to ensure that they can survive even without us? Is that not what a parent needs to do. Even parents of children who have a lot of disability issues strive hard to ensure that their children can continue living even without them.  But there are a few parents whom I find have kids for society's sake for prestige sake and think they have done their duty.

On the one hand there are parents who are over protective and highly interfering . On the other hand there are parents who shine in all sphere s independently, have a good image in society but are unfit to be parents. Who am I to judge and question this.? What gives me the right/authority or qualification?  I don't know. Probably I am not to involve myself but I am pained when the children suffer as a consequence of wilful negligence or what should I say indifferent parenting.

I am a feminist out and out and don't expect or want only moms to do the nurture and care part.   It is ok if the father does it too. what is required is the child  be given necessary care and attention for growth .

In a society where there is utter chaos due to a number of ' isms' is it wrong of me to expect atleast literate parents to act responsibly atleast towards family.? What point does it serve  if you have crores of money , highly regarded by outside society , you are multi talented and a great motivator and inspiration when your child can't confide in you ? Can't call you in distress?

Am I prejudiced or one-sided or am I just another feminist who preaches something but wants traditional practice to continue along with society. Am I wrong ? My expectations incorrect.?

In my journey of life there are a lot of unsavoury things that I have experienced which I would not want another to experience . So when I see a smaller child terrorised similarly I am highly disturbed and disgusted. What is the purpose of our life if we can't be useful to even that being which has come through us? Or whose birth was our wish but we are not able to bring up.

Where are the terrorist and paedophiles coming from? Where are murderers and burglars coming from. Perverted men and women coming from? Alien planet??

They are coming from this planet. We are responsible for their act . We with our indifference and apathy alone are responsible for their mistakes.
As parents, as society for not caring properly or for caring incorrectly. Children are like mirrors who reflect  our actions . Right from infancy they watch, observe, imbibe , learn and manipulate for their survival.

I am reminded of a case where a student who stabbed his teacher because she had called for his parents. Psychologists said that it was the impact of a Hindi movie he watched the previous day. Exposure to media gave him an idea etc.. there was a hue and cry in the media and questions of safety among teaching fraternity. The teachers' family members were sympathised and achievements of her children publicly applauded.

But then and now my thoughts were only with that boy.? Questions  as to what made him act that way. What is it he wanted that he didn't get ? Why was he so terrified of his parents. ? And what will happen to him after juvenile delinquency home. This society is capable of stigmatising an individual for smallest slip up so will he be heard.? Today too I am very much reminded of him . How many more such boys and girls are we going to turn out. ?

I don't think I can even list out the questions in my mind.  And a number of times I feel the more educated - sorry literate and academically qualified people are-  the more foolish  and incorrigible their attitude/ behaviour /reasoning is.    Academic education is sometimes sheer waste .  When we cannot educate or elevate our thinking and become more individually or socially responsible to what end is this book knowledge?

At the end  of the day I am just plain angry and upset and again filled with suppressed and helpless rage.