Since moving into my new flat I get my clothes ironed from my ex-construction supervisor turned launderer ( that is for nearly the last 12 years). They were a family of two adults and four children - comprising of two boys and two girls. The elder sons are aged 25 and 21 years and the daughters are aged 17 and 9 years. The lady of the house, was a twice married person with eldest three children with her first spouse and the last daughter with the second spouse - who was my construction supervisor. The elder daughter , when she was fifteen years old ' fell in love' with another teenage boy aged seventeen years. The whole family was against the liaison and tried their best to dissuade the girl from continuing the relationship or contemplating marriage. However, the girl defied everybody's wishes and eloped with the boy got married to him and settled down with her "in-laws" in Pondicherry.
This act of the girl caused a lot of anger and anxiety among the family members and the boys told the mother to severe all ties with her and have no contact with her at all, come what may. A few months later , marriage of the eldest son took place for which no invitation was sent to the girl in Pondicherry.
Unknown to other members of the family the daughter continued to keep in touch with the stepfather, throughout her absence from the family. Within a year of her marriage she delivered a girl baby and continued her stay with her parents-in-law.
The second son disclosed his intention to wed a girl of his choice to the mother and as expected she got furious and asked him how when he objected to the same act of his sister he had the temerity to "fall in love"? The boy who had earlier vociferously insisted on severing all ties with the girl , accepted his fault and said that he was willing to make amends with her too.
Every time I meet the mother I enquire about her daughter, she said, " Amma , my daughter is in touch with the stepfather regularly and he gives me the update. She has delivered a girl baby , her husband had become an alcoholic and abusive too." " I was discussing with my husband regarding the second son and he told me that --- see children are grown up and expressing their desire . As parents we can guide them and advise them , but it is better if you understand that we should learn to respect their choices and stand by them during their tough times. Just think back and recall the amount of opposition we faced when I wanted to marry you -- you are more than 15 years my senior- both my family and yours was totally opposed to the union , but are we not happy today? Have not your children accepted me in their fold ? You need to understand that things happen, times change and we as parents should learn to be more liberal and accepting. After all they are our children."
I was stunned by the breadth and depth of the pearls of wisdom when I heard them. If only the literate /wealthy/casteist /khap panchayati parents could be atleast slightly more understanding like this father!!
